Falsehoods

I have to do this every so often to maintain my own sanity. That being, to expose a few falsehoods here and there. 

Situational awareness and avoidance, you have heard those very words from us too but..we tend to complicate things just a little, make it more realistic. Because we all have read, heard about it, numerous times by now. About how 80-90% of self defense is avoiding and being aware of potential bad situations. Eh...not so fast. If it sounds too easy, it not that realistic. 

You can be walking down the street and notice some guy who gives off the bad vibes. Your instincts tell you to cross the road and keep walking where you are going. Nice and easy, right? What if he waits until you're almost straight across from him and he sprints across the street and is now standing in front of you? Or worst case, he waits until you pass on by, then crosses the street and grabs ya from behind or knocks you down? 

All of a sudden the idea of "Hey! I saw him and avoided it like they said! Why is he now in front of me or grabbing me from behind??" Didn't work as well as it is advertised did it? Which again is part of the problem. It's made to sound perfect and gonna save the day for you. Eh...no. 

I have mentioned before that in a home situation where a neighbor comes over, been to the house numerous times, friends with him and then it happens. He turns into your worst nightmare. Tell me how situational aware and avoiding you will be with somebody you essentially trust. I'll wait for that answer. 

It's all far from reality. It sounds good, easy to promote and encourage, but at the end of the day it's not the end all strategy or remedy as it is advertised. Not even close. 

For me personally, I can easily see how this can create more victims and more survivors. Once more, because of how avoiding and situational awareness is packaged and sold as the cure. When it's not. 

The solution? Learn how to fight, for when you might need it. One of those "break glass in case of emergency" things. You know when and where we are at, or we come to you. 

Stay safe!

Turn and run away

A topic on my mind today. That being the constant thing I hear or see concerning do this or that technique and run away. 

Not getting into what if you can't run, spoke about that several times. This is another perspective. Guess what happens when you run away? What if the attacker is not disabled and decides to come after you again? 

Well to run away means you turn your back to the attacker, now he's behind you, maybe chasing you and definitely now in your blind spot. Unless you have eyes in the back of your head. Add in a knife or some other weapon into this and now he's behind you, in your blind spot and armed. Thats not good. 

Leave the attacker laying to the point that you know that he's not getting up. All this other talk of do this or that and run will get you hurt or worse. I've said this numerous times in class and here it comes again - If it sounds too easy, it's not reality and not going to work too well. 

Stay safe

Practice!

How does one get better at this stuff? 

Over the years, I don't recall ever seeing or hearing of a smaller person attacking a bigger person. Trust me, even a smaller guy who might not weigh too much, he can carry a lot of aggression and violence. But generally the criminal types don't pick out the people who are bigger than them or appear like they might give the morons a difficult time. They target those who appear weaker, and these guys can have the perception of women automatically being weaker. And if the drive is to commit sexual violence, it doesn't matter if you're a larger person or skinny, if they are committed to the attack, it's game on. Because again, predators see all women as weaker than them. Make sure these guys learn a difficult and very painful lesson. 

So, if you practice at home which I hope that you do, safely practice with more and more resistance from the "attacker". Especially with a guy who is bigger and stronger. 

Stay safe

Many times women who are victims of domestic abuse, after repeated pleas for help through the legal system, continue to find themselves in grave danger.  

Protective Orders are only a piece of paper which are on occasion never enforced or a slap on the wrist if it is violated. 

Society, friends, family members, even churches, can still view domestic abuse as the victims fault and place blame on her. Which often leads to incidents of violence not being reported. 

The changes: A more compassionate approach to the survivors, more consideration from the legal system of financial abuse and mental abuse that don’t leave visible injuries, more attention to a trauma informed approach by churches, family and friends. 

Folks, attitudes concerning domestic abuse must change. It is long past over due for changes. Make it happen! 

Who is coming to save you?

The reality of stats: 

One will notice that domestic assaults and sexual assaults are usually committed by someone known to the victim. Which leaves it to be a husband, boyfriend, etc. If you are counting on having assistance from a loved one during and attack, and the loved one is the attacker, now what? 

Remember, these are only the reported incidents: 

Out of every 1,000 suspected rape perpetrators referred to prosecutors:

•370 have at least one prior felony conviction, including 100 who have 5 or more

•520 will be released—either because they posted bail or for other reasons—while awaiting trial

•70 of the released perpetrators will be arrested for committing another crime before their case is decided

What was the survivor doing when the crime occurred?

•48% were sleeping, or performing another activity at home

•29% were traveling to and from work or school, or traveling to shop or run errands

•12% were working

•7% were attending school

•5% were doing an unknown or other activity

An average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States — more than 12 million women

Over 1 in 3 women (35.6%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Almost half of all women in the US have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime (48.4%)

Nearly 3 in 10 women (29%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by a partner and reported it having a related impact on their functioning

Sources: RAINN

National Domestic Violence Hotline

With the popularity of a particular system that is solely ground based, meaning always going to the ground and trying to make someone tap out etc, how is that going to work in reality?

Hypothetically, you’re at home, have someone there and this person attacks you. Essentially an abuse, you didn’t see it coming and wasn’t expecting it. Your phone gets knocked out of your hand and flies across the room. Or you phone is siting on a table or chair some distance from you. 

Now let’s say you are skilled in this ground fighting system and now you tie this guy up, got him pinned to the floor, not going anywhere. Your hands are now useless because that’s it what you are using to control him with. You can’t let go to reach for your phone and there you are, both of you.

Now what? You going to lay there and talk about the weather? Maybe how the kids or job is going? Talk about life ambitions? You see the problem. Neighbors are at work and you’re in the house where nobody outside is going to hear a thing that you might scream. 

Before you think, well I can choke him out and then get up. Good luck. It’s never that easy and it would mean readjusting your arms to move to his neck area which will provide the attacker a potential opening to continue to fight back and possibly get loose and the fight is on again. 

One other bad thing about always looking to go to the ground is, in the excitement and stress, you may not notice the attacker reach for his pockets or belt line. You may feel like he is punching your ribs etc and what he has really done is pulled out pocket knife and stabbing you. 

Lastly, if there are two or more assailants and you go to the ground with one of them, now the other is going to join in and you’re outnumbered on the ground and in deep deep trouble. It will not end well.