Articles

Blog and reality check

Articles and opinions from the instructors on various topics in the field of women's self defense.

The reality of fighting back

Often in today's world of self defense classes, we see the intended "victim" block an attack and land a technique or two and all ends well. Ladies, that is not reality, not even close.

What actually happens is a few seconds of freezing up. Your mind is trying to digest what is going on, long before you ever consider that you need to fight back or get loose from the attacker. During those initial seconds of time, the attacker is not standing there waiting for you to hit him. He is dragging you away to somewhere or to a vehicle. The attack is not nice and stationary as most places will portray it.

Which leads to another issue, you probably will be injured in some manner. Assaults on you are fast and they are violent, any resistance from you will be met with resistance from the attacker. There will be bone to bone contact, bruises, possibly some blood, maybe a broken bone or two, swollen eyes, you get the idea. You will not walk away unscathed.

Even if you do manage to get free and the attacker runs off, those few moments of sheer terror, stress and anxiety will stay with you for a long long time. Not to forget, if the attacker groped you, said some very nasty things to you, those memories don't vanish into the night. There is a great possibility of you remembering what he said, his voice, smell, his breath, cologne or body odor. All of that and more, will stay in your mind. It may never leave your nightmares.

We encourage you to practice and practice often. As you are well aware, we are open every week, come back for more classes. There will never be a price tag attached to your safety. Our classes are FREE for a number of reasons. We do not want to lose someone who can't afford some of these outrageous prices for self defense, or those that can't afford even the smallest amount of a fee. We don't want to leave anyone out.

Stay safe!

It's not your fault!

“What was the alleged victim wearing?”

A large sweater and slacks, support hose and little old lady shoes. She used a walker to get around.

A business suit.

A bathing suit.

A pair of thermal pajamas.

A pair of blue jean cut off shorts and a green t-shirt with flip flops, with a little purple purse she bought at the mall.

A size 8-10 kids dress with yellow flowers on it, and a pair of yellow sandals her mommy had just bought her.

A pair of size 4T blue jeans and a Care Bears t-shirt.

A diaper and a pacifier in her mouth.

Nothing at all.

Too often we see this asked. That question tends to lean towards putting some blame on the victim. I ask you, did any of them deserve what happened to them?

All of us, every single one of us who have been there, live with the agony of wondering, and perhaps believing that it was our fault.

I shouldn’t have been there.

I should have stayed home.

I shouldn’t have made eye contact.

I shouldn’t have dressed up.

I should have said “NO!” more.

I should have said it louder.

I should have ran.

I messed up.

This is my fault.

My fault.

NO. That was NOT our fault. Even if we had been standing there completely naked, we didn’t deserve the violence that occurred. They had NO RIGHT to do what they did. That blame rests solely on the shoulders of those who hurt us.

That question, “what was she wearing,” is giving an out to the perpetrator. It’s allowing for the possibility that when he saw his victim he became so overcome with lust because she was dressed provocatively, that he couldn’t control himself.

Listen to me. If you take nothing else from this post today, remember this, and know this in your heart.

You didn’t make it happen.

It was NOT your fault.

~ Megan McAllister Kingrea - Instructor

Eye Opening 11/17/22

Eye opening

As the days and years go by I am realizing why 80-90% of women do not report rapes. The attitudes and all the fluff, and superficial "support", it's is like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound. It is disgusting!

Falsehoods

I have to do this every so often to maintain my own sanity. That being, to expose a few falsehoods here and there.

Situational awareness and avoidance, you have heard those very words from us too but..we tend to complicate things just a little, make it more realistic. Because we all have read, heard about it, numerous times by now. About how 80-90% of self defense is avoiding and being aware of potential bad situations. Eh...not so fast. If it sounds too easy, it not that realistic.

You can be walking down the street and notice some guy who gives off the bad vibes. Your instincts tell you to cross the road and keep walking where you are going. Nice and easy, right? What if he waits until you're almost straight across from him and he sprints across the street and is now standing in front of you? Or worst case, he waits until you pass on by, then crosses the street and grabs ya from behind or knocks you down?

All of a sudden the idea of "Hey! I saw him and avoided it like they said! Why is he now in front of me or grabbing me from behind??" Didn't work as well as it is advertised did it? Which again is part of the problem. It's made to sound perfect and gonna save the day for you. Eh...no.

I have mentioned before that in a home situation where a neighbor comes over, been to the house numerous times, friends with him and then it happens. He turns into your worst nightmare. Tell me how situational aware and avoiding you will be with somebody you essentially trust. I'll wait for that answer.

It's all far from reality. It sounds good, easy to promote and encourage, but at the end of the day it's not the end all strategy or remedy as it is advertised. Not even close.

For me personally, I can easily see how this can create more victims and more survivors. Once more, because of how avoiding and situational awareness is packaged and sold as the cure. When it's not.

The solution? Learn how to fight, for when you might need it. One of those "break glass in case of emergency" things. You know when and where we are at, or we come to you.

Stay safe!

Keep it simple?

Most of the time I hear the words "keep it simple", I get that. It removes the need to overthink things in the moment of overwhelming stress, anxiety, and violence. But to an also great extent things can become oversimplified, simple and absolute chaos don't appear to mix too well.

There is severe drawback to using these pads all the time. Yes they can build muscle memory, build power and definitely work on technique but....

At the end of the day, when people are hit, such as the attacker, they will have a reaction. After being hit, the attacker might turn his head, possibly lean slightly to one side or the other, maybe lean slightly backwards, there are all sort of angles that now can come into play. The follow up techniques might need to be adapted to reach any preferred targets. If the attacker turns away enough, will any knee strikes be there?

Plus as we have mentioned before, the attackers don't want to be hit and they may block or avoid something you are trying to do. Hitting on the big pad can give the illusion that targets are going to be easy to hit. That's not realistic.

The short of this is you need to be prepared for reactions from the attacker and the role those reactions can play in defending yourself. It is rarely as easy as punching on the pads.

We are going to work on all of this in the classes coming up.